i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
