just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
