Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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