Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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