no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
