90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
