i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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