if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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