the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
