it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
