can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
