dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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