Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
