pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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