The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
