I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize