I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
