We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Bring me that man meat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize