we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
worst night to have a conscience
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
