This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
