Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
