Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
