i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
