I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
