My liver just broke up with me...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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