he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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