its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize