I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
