Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
