I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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