a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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