my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
