I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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