I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
