The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
