Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize