It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
