yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
