i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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