just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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