if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
