I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
