There was a lot of him and a little penis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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