So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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