Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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