tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
