I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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