Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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