At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
