i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
