I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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