Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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