DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
