your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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