Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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