woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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