they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
