its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
