We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
