my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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