Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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