I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
