So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
