hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
