This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
