the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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