Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
