pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
