We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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