Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
