Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
