Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When did angry sex become our thing?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
