I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
