i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She's the barista slut.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
