Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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