stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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