He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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