tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
