wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
