If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
