A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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