she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize