So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
