Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
