I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
