I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
