plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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