Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
