you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
