Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
