You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
