I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's always time for handjobs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
