WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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