At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
