Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
false alarm. still invincible.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
