I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize