Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
