Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
